Anonymous
10-31-1998, 09:28 AM
I was reading through some of the older posts and a few spots on the other message boards.I found a few comments concerning single parents. Some were opposed others indifferent and some who felt they made better soldiers.I'm curious about hearing more on this topic.**There is an increasing number of single parents (male or female) popping up.**There a number of misconceptions aboutwhether you can still serve, where you can serve and this is coming from the recruiters.**I don't believe their deliberately misleading these individuals, but haven't reallyhad very many requests of this nature. YET.**I have noticed over the last few years the answers getting better and more informed.So what do you think?, Do single parents belong in the military.**And for those single parents who are in.**Hows it like for you?, and what did you have to go through to get in.
<hr size=7 width=75%>
eph6_10@hotmail.com
Anonymous
12-07-1998, 05:09 PM
RB, Interesting question. My opinions are this:
1. Being a single parent does NOT make one a better soldier. I think that’s bizarre. If there are some soldiers who are single parents and perform better, it’s because they were better soldiers to begin with and are able to manage their career with their parenting responsibilities. I don’t see how one can be a better soldier simply by virtue of being a single parent.
2. I understand the “opposition” to single parents in the military, but I don’t agree with it. Many single parents do just fine. In the Navy all single parents and military couples have to fill out and sign a form that lists who will care for their children in the event that they’re deployed away from home. If they can’t do it, they won’t be retained in the service. If they can, more power to them. I think this is a good and fair policy.
3. My husband and I are a military couple, and we have designated my parents as the caretakers of our children should the need arise. Our children would be cared for and loved (spoiled rotten, probably! =) ) in this environment. I think (or hope!) that parents who’ve designated someone to care for their children in the event of their absence have probably designated people who would love and cherish their children. If we didn’t have such a person to care for our kids, one of us would get out of the service. The argument that this policy is bad for society as it leaves kids “un-parented” is, I believe, without merit. Many societies involve whole families with raising children, with great success. Another note on this line… you may have noted I said we’ve never needed to leave our kids with my parents. That’s because of the way we (and the Navy!) have managed our careers. In the Navy, members spend time on shore and at sea. We rotate between the two. Our rotations are matched so that when I’m at sea, he’s at shore, and vice-versa. It works. Single parents don’t have this option, but if they have someone who they trust and who loves their children, then I don’t see the problem.
4. I suspect the recruiters you’re mentioning are right. Although you can become a single parent in the Navy, they don’t want you to join as one. Also, some of the commissioning programs require that you have no dependents to be accepted.
5. Although “single parenting” tends to be regarded as a woman’s issue, it’s really not. My observation has been that most single parents with newborns are women, as they were born out of wedlock to the mother. I’ve noted though that throughout time, divorces, and what not, many men end up being single fathers to older children. At my place of work we’re all pretty senior (the most junior person is an E-5, the rest are E-6 and above) there’s one woman single parent and 5 men single parents that I know of. There may be more men; these are just the ones I know. There’s about 120 men and about 20 women. The ratios appear to be pretty close of single parent men to women. Just food for thought.
Bottom line: I think single parents should be able to be in the military, as long as they’re able to handle their parenting responsibilities without it adversely affecting unit readiness. Many people seem to be able to do this just fine. I do agree with the current policy of discouraging single parents to enlist, however, as the first enlistment in the service is so often away from home. If a single parent wanted to enlist that badly, she or he could give custody of their child to someone who loves the child and the parent trusts, at least through the first several months of service. If the single parent has no such person that they trust, then they won't be able to stay in anyhow, because they’d have no one to give temporary custody to if they should have to deploy unaccompanied.
tracy_liz@geocities.com