Married/Single? Advantages/Disadvantages

[Anonymous]

I am in a very serious relationship and I just enlisted for four years. My boyfriend is discouraged because he thinks we won't be married for that length of time. I am trying to make a list of the advantages/disadvantages for being married while I'm in. I am supposed to be based about 2 1/2 hours away from where he lives (and has a really good job), so one of our disadvantages is that we won't be able to live together full time. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. Does anyone know how much the housing/food allowance is for living off base?

boatrid_osu@ionet.net

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately strike one is his attitude. Strike two is maintaining a long distance romance if he already has that attitude. Now we'll get to the meat of what you ask. Just because you are married does not automatically mean you will get housing/food allowance because you are maintaining seperate households. Some posts allow it, others don't. You may end up having to live in the barracks. Looks like you two are going to have a long row to hoe. There are people who do marry and live separately and are quite happy, but it was by mutual agreement. Sorry to sound negative, but this doesn't look good for you.

[Anonymous]

The magik eight ball says: You're in trouble!

[Anonymous]

: I am in a very serious relationship and I just enlisted for four years. My
: boyfriend is discouraged because he thinks we won't be married for that
: length of time. I am trying to make a list of the advantages/disadvantages
: for being married while I'm in. I am supposed to be based about 2 1/2
: hours away from where he lives (and has a really good job), so one of our
: disadvantages is that we won't be able to live together full time. If
: anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. Does anyone know how
: much the housing/food allowance is for living off base?


It is not easy being married to a full time soldier. But the other responses are right if his attitude is bad then that makes it even tougher. I am a National Guard Soldier (traditional the one weekend a month type) My husband is a full-timer or active duty soldier who works for the guard. It can be really tough because he travels and I have schools sometimes but we understand the system. I dated a guy in college who didn't like my going away for training and I ended up breaking up with him. And this guy had been on Active duty. My husband understands my needs and I understand him. We have been together for 7 years and the longest seperation we've had is 3 months. I know for some people that's not long but length of seperation is not the point. Having a strong relationship is the point. You need to decide what is best for you long term relationship or not. Seperation can either make the heart grow fonder or you find out it wasn't going to work anyway. You need to be able to take care of you first then worry about him either he will change his attitude or it won't work. I love being in the military and married to a soldier. My husband is a great role model and it is great to have this to share with him. I used to go through a cycle of hating him, missing him, and not caring if he came home again. Now it's better but we have a four year old who is great to she understands that daddy needs to be away and he calls often. It's not up to you to change for him it's up to him to adjust to you. You are in now so he will either get wtih your program or get out. Good Luck,



sfct@email.com

[Anonymous]

: I am in a very serious relationship and I just enlisted for four years. My
: boyfriend is discouraged because he thinks we won't be married for that
: length of time. I am trying to make a list of the advantages/disadvantages
: for being married while I'm in. I am supposed to be based about 2 1/2
: hours away from where he lives (and has a really good job), so one of our
: disadvantages is that we won't be able to live together full time. If
: anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. Does anyone know how
: much the housing/food allowance is for living off base?

[Anonymous]

As you were told in one of the previous messages you will not get paid for living off post unless you are coming in as an officer. Have you raised your hand for the second time? And why did you not discuss this with your male friend first before you made such a life altering decision. Some say just let him go but don't make a mistake you'll be sorry for later. It's not impossible for the two of you in the beginning but I think that eventually one will perhaps out grow the other. You have got to decide what is most important to you and I think you have all ready made your decision when you didn't consider him and your relationship in the first place what do you think?

[Anonymous]

: HI I hope this helps, my husband and I met when he was stationed 3 hours away, we dated for a year and a half and then married, I didnt move with him because of school and my job, we spent a lot of time on the road to see each other, but we did just fine we talked on the phone every other day to keep in touch, we also had a child during this time, it wasn't the easiest thing, but are homecomings were always great, we have been married for ten years, and my husband is now out of the service and getting ready to graduate college, we have a stronger and closer marriage than most people we know. If you are both committed you can make anything work. best of luck

[Anonymous]

: As you were told in one of the previous messages you will not get paid for
: living off post unless you are coming in as an officer. Have you raised
: your hand for the second time? And why did you not discuss this with your
: male friend first before you made such a life altering decision. Some say
: just let him go but don't make a mistake you'll be sorry for later. It's
: not impossible for the two of you in the beginning but I think that
: eventually one will perhaps out grow the other. You have got to decide
: what is most important to you and I think you have all ready made your
: decision when you didn't consider him and your relationship in the first
: place what do you think?


I think some misunderstood my message. I did discuss this decision with my boyfriend and he supports me no matter what I do. We are very much in love and I would not do anything to jeopardize our relationship. My main purpose in posting this was to find out if there was money available to live off post if he and I were not able to live together and if there were any advantages to being married in the Army vs. being single in the army.

boatrid_osu@ionet.net

[Anonymous]

: I am in a very serious relationship and I just enlisted for four years. My
: boyfriend is discouraged because he thinks we won't be married for that
: length of time. I am trying to make a list of the advantages/disadvantages
: for being married while I'm in. I am supposed to be based about 2 1/2
: hours away from where he lives (and has a really good job), so one of our
: disadvantages is that we won't be able to live together full time. If
: anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. Does anyone know how
: much the housing/food allowance is for living off base?


Yes, There are some advantages to being married. You will get a housing allowance and a food allowance if you live off post. If you are married and there is available on post housing you will have to live there. If your spouse does not join you may not have an option to live off post. These are questions that can be better answered after your initial training as unitl you are done with that you may not even see your boyfriend. Are you sure where you will be stationed AFTER your Basic and MOS school. When that is decided is the best time to figure out housing issues. Your spouse will also be elgible for health insurance and other priviledges so marriage is ok but the commitment is the most important thing.



sfct@email.com

[Anonymous]

: I think some misunderstood my message. I did discuss this decision with my
: boyfriend and he supports me no matter what I do. We are very much in love
: and I would not do anything to jeopardize our relationship. My main
: purpose in posting this was to find out if there was money available to
: live off post if he and I were not able to live together and if there were
: any advantages to being married in the Army vs. being single in the army.


The answer is quite simple. Who comes first? The Army or your soon to be husband? What makes you so sure that you will be stationed near him? The army makes no promise in that area. My wife joined recently and we have three children and she had to come to grips to who came first when she got a hardship tour in korea as her first duty station and that was after going in with a guarenteed assignment for fort ord. She chose us, went AWOL, and is now getting chaptered 11ed out of the army. I'm glad she chose me and her three boys over us but regret the fact that the recruiter did a really bad job in explaining how the army really works to us. I hate it that my wife had to chose such drastic measures to get herself out of something that she knew so little about when she dove head first into it. I hope our little ordeal helps you out a little. If you are really close to this Man, then make sure that he can live as long as a year without seeing his wife. Know that you will have to go that amount of time as well without seeing him. In short, no matter what the army tells you. They are no good for family orientated people. When you are in then your butt belongs to them and they could care less what effect THEIR decision has on YOUR personal life. I have been around the Military all of my life and I have seen several so called strong marriages destroyed when one spouse decided to join. good luck.

IamWeasle@hotmail.com