Basic Training Humor

"The Soda Can"
While in basic training some of the trainees would sneak sodas at night. Well one night my friend brought me a soda. I was really tired so I decided to take a sip and throw it out in the morning so I sat it in my wall locker. The next morning I put it in my cargo pocket and forgot all about it when we were going to some training exercise. I began to notice some brown liquid all over the floor. But I did not realize it was coming from me. It was just my luck that two drill sergeants called me over to them. I noticed that the brown liquid was following me. So I tried to casually wipe up the mess with my hand. When the drill sergeants asked me what that was I was wiping up I said I didn't know. They must have believed me because the dismissed me. But one drill sergeant stopped me and asked what was in my pocket? I replied a can. He asked a can of what. Needless to say I was in big trouble and to this day I don't drink soda.
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"The Last Four"
I was in basic training at Fort Jackson, SC, in the summer of 1975. We were all lined up at the obstacle course one hot June day for training and the Drill Sergeant was calling out names. All of a sudden she called out my name and added "last four!" I looked around puzzled, not knowing what I was supposed to do. Again, she hollered my name, adding "last four!" Thinking fast, I decided that she must be telling me to go and stand with the last four people in the line. Off I ran to the end of the line. Boy, did I feel stupid when she looked at me and hollered my name again, adding "last four numbers of your SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!"
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The most laughter, as well as memorable moments, I experienced in the Military was during training. The tension builds as the training gets harder. The Drill Sergeants, Instructors, cooks, and certain trainees know just how to make you laugh to ease the tension. I remember one incident during weapons qualification. A trainee left his weapon on auto with one unexpended round, and proceeded to walk centerfield. Needless to say he was in trouble. But to ease all the tension the incident one of the Drill Sergeants simply said "Lock and Load Aslam, Trying to Kill someone On Ditto Hill".
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"Too many coat hangers at the inspection"
One fine Saturday morning before inspection I started counting coat hangers. I had about ten more than were allowed. I didn't have time to take them from the third floor down to the dumpster. Everyone else had their quota and had room for no more. I was stuck, I thought of putting them out the window, but figured they would be seen. I was wearing my stiffly starched PT uniform. I stuffed them up the back of my skirt, stood the whole inspection afraid they would fall when I came to attention. Much to my delight they stayed put undetected for the length of the inspection. I was a nervous wreck. Everyone in my end of the barrack burst out laughing when the platoon Sgt. left and I removed the hangers from my skirt.
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""Best Timing Ever"
While stationed at Ft.Huachuca for my Advanced Individual Training, we had to do plenty of soldiering skills, but none so important as CTT. One of the biggest things was dawning your protective gas masks in the time allotted. A week prior to this training, Drill Sergeants, with the exception of physical training, would make you wear the mask at all times. They would catch you in the chow line at the mess hall, or even as you were getting on the bus that took us to the classrooms. Whatever the case may have been, the more inconvenient, the better. Well, there was one certain female Drill Sergeant who was most creative and had the best timing it seemed. If there was a Drill to avoid it was her. She was short, maybe 5'2" and definitely tough with the most annoying cadence voice ever. One evening as a bunch of us were in the break area smoking and joking, she walked around the corner to which we promptly picked up as if we were studying for CTT. She was walking very fast and seemed distracted and didn't even mess with us which was unusual but we thought we had gotten off without having to dawn our masks. As she disappeared in the doorway, we all let out a sigh of relief and continued with our chatter. Within seconds we heard her as she stuck her head out of the door, "Gas, gas, gas!" To which of course we jumped out of our seats, one girl falling off the bench as she got her leg stuck, one girl had gotten her mask out so fast it went flying 15 feet in front of her. Had it been a real life situation, we would have been dead. Through our masks we heard what seemed to be an awful lot of laughter and as we looked up, the rest of the company, as well as the other Drill Sergeants, were watching from windows down into the break area. After the Drill Sergeant gave us the all clear signal, we heard her yell up to her peers, "...Well, I told you I would get 'em! Now for the rest of you.....GAS!GAS!GAS!" Her timing was never off, she got the rest of the troops that were watching.
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We all have our stories. For me it was in Basic Combat Training in Ft Jackson. It has to be understood that I am very intelligent but not coordinated at ALL. I was Platoon Guide. The company was to be marched to chow. The command before I ran the company into the side of berm (a steep hill?) would have been column left. However, I could not decide how or when to give the command. So the company marched into the hill. Realizing that I was chewed up from the floor up, I gave the company a command of halt. The next command was on the command to fall out fall in on me. In my mind, this was the only way I could get the company going in the direction they needed to be. About the time I gave the command, a Drill Sergeant came yelling, "Hey YOU!! What are you doing?" Then I was told to get on down and push. Still not coordinated, but I can march a company.
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"Dog Tags"
When I was in boot camp in 1974, one of our first 'assignments' was to receive our dog tags. As we each received them and were checking them, one of the girls wanted to know what all the information was on the dog tag. I told her "The first line is your name, the second line is your social security number, and the third line is your blood type and your religion". She said "Mine doesn't have my blood type". I said, "Sure it does!" She said "No, it doesn't. It just says I'm A ROMAN CATHOLIC"....submitted by Christine, USN LDO Supply Corps, Retired
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