Married Military Couples

This section is reserved for submissions by married military couples. Tell us how you manage a dual-military career.

Submissions are posted according to applicable branch of service: Air Force, Army, Coast Guard, Marines, Navy, and Dual Services

After he finally came home we got married at a very, very small ceremony. So we could start our paperwork for the Army Married Couples Program and Joint Domicile Program. It is imported that you are enrolled in both. Both of our 1SG and Commanders were supportive and helped us, so we could walk our Paperwork thru. After all that, we found out that, since his Orders for Recruiting were before we got married, it would not be considered for his assignment, only for mine, since I was on no assignment Orders. Once he would be done with Recruiting our joint Domicile/Married Couple Program is in effect.

He had to report about three months before my Terminal Leave would start. Running two households in two different states is very expensive. After our household goods were finally gone I stayed with some friends till I signed out on Terminal Leave. I have been here now for about six month and there is just no work around here. But I found a Reserve Unit and I am happy that I can still serve this country. My Husband has about 2 years left here and then we hope to go to Germany. I am already working on to get Reclassed so I can go on Active Duty again.

For the past thirty minutes I have read every story on this page. And after I am amazed to find that I can relate to each and every one of you. My husband and I are both E4s in the Navy. We are exceptional versions of the junior enlisted Sailor in that we are stable. We are financially sound, have two planned children, own our assets and have no "junior Sailor issues." This however, does not void us from knowing the hardships that couples are faced with. Your stories of barely making it were at some point in time right in front of us.

And to the dual military wives of all ranks, when the civilian wives look at you with contempt or scold you for not being a homemaker, you look at them and you remember that you are a military member. Then push back a little further, past the flight schedule and under the POD...there to the left of your old seabag should be a little light...a little light that shines above the dishes you did in between watches, and the picture of your daughter in her "My mom is in the Navy" t-shirt...a light that shines so dim that you can barely see the carpool schedule under your husband's PQS sheet. When you see it, reach out your hand and turn it up, make that little lights so bright that it blinds the angry women around you and take a moment to see that you are a housewife, a mother, a teacher, and a Sailor. Which if I am correct means that you are one more great thing that all of those women aren't... you my friend are the American Hero.

And whether you choose to do twenty years or barely make it through your first enlistment, you will always be a Veteran, that will never change. So for the simple fact that you made it through one day of military life always know that no matter how it ended, I and millions of other women are grateful to you and we await the day that we cross your paths so that we may say, Thank you, thank you so much for sharing this journey with me."

Posted: 12 Jun 01: "Dual Military Couples and Other Spouses" (In response to the 8 Jun 01 Post)

I've been part of a dual officer couple for all of my 19 years on active duty. Since the majority of the officers in my career field (scientific) are male, I tend to know the male half of a couple better than the female half. Throughout my career I've interacted with lots of different types of spouses. Some of the Officer Wives Club groups tried to include me although I typically didn't participate (I don't know if they talked about me or not). Other spouses I just couldn't connect with and at social gatherings I spent my time talking to my male office mates (same comment as above). When I was pregnant with our second child, many people asked me when I was getting out. I think the puzzled look on my face in response to their question was answer enough. One boss's wife even felt I should serve as the "senior wife" in terms of spouse's activities even though I was a member of the organization! I probably should point out my husband worked for the same boss, so technically I was a spouse within the organization (as was he, but I was expected to cover both of our offices). My husband understood and usually between the two of us, we found some relatively painless way to spread the word about activities (but typically didn't participate). I think it really frustrated the boss's wife, but it worked for us.

Fortunately, the number of dual professional couples seems to be on the rise (with and without kids) and I find I have a lot more in common with the non-military half of the couple. There will always be people who believe they have all the solutions for your life and yes, I believe many of them are married to male military officers! It just doesn't do any good to argue or debate with them. The best thing to do is put on a plastic smile, keep the conversation short, and vent when you get home. You are free to choose the company you keep and at social gatherings gravitate to the people you have something in common with. Perhaps at some point you'll come across another educated woman who shares an interest in art!

We dated for almost three years during school. We were constantly together during the school year and separated for long periods of time during the summer months. After graduation, we decided to get married. I reported to a ship and immediately started going to sea. My husband couldn't stand it. He became depressed and developed separations anxiety disorder. This is my own opinion because he was to "macho" to see a doctor about his depression. It got so bad that he begged and pleaded for me to get pregnant so I would not leave on deployment. When I said, "No, I have an obligation to my shipmates." He accused me of loving the Navy more than him. ( I don't know how many woman actually get pregnant to avoid sea duty and deployments, but I think it's despicable behavior and I refused to be one of "those".) Anyway, I finally decided I had enough and walked out the door. Obviously, the major reason for the divorce was his depression which he refused to seek treatment for. But the other major reason was we simply got married too young. That can be a problem in any marriage, but it is compounded by separation. We "grew up" with new and different experiences that had nothing to do with each other. We had so many friends that were exclusive to our commands. Typically, when people marry young, they live together day in and day out. They experience the same things. They have the same problems. Not military people. You "grow up" apart creating different goals and ideals.

with the base. My husband and I are both active in the community, but often times when I attend social functions the other spouses: ignore me and sometimes make snide comments. The spouses are often the ones in my husband's squadron. On one occasion I went to a birthday party of a friend of mine, and his spouse was the only one that would talk to me. One of the other spouses came to me and asked if I had kids, and when I said I did not, she rolled her eyes, and walked away. She didn't say I word to me. I'm not that rude to any of them, and do kids make me any different of a person. When they come over, they make comments about how they can't wait til I have kids, then I'm going to have to sell a lot of the art work I collect (hand carved wooden statues from Africa). My mom has much more expensive and breakable things than I do, and she runs a daycare with 14 kids in it. They make comments about how we won't be able to afford what we have when we have children, because I can't work. It's not, I may decide not to work, it's I can't work.. like I have to have their approval to work. I'm wondering if anyone else faces this criticism like I do.

I too, was part of a dual military marriage. We were both in the Air Force, he still is....I am not and I am grateful. I had the highest marks in performance evaluations, my career was going strong, until one day. The United States Air Force lost an extremely valuable person when I was not allowed to take vacation time during a war exercise. I hadn't taken any vacation, sick leave or just time off in almost a year when my daughter's daycare classmates came down with Chicken Pox. I had notified my superiors in advance and was told that I had to find someone to watch my child while she had Chicken Pox...that's asking a lot of someone. They would have to watch my baby for 17 hours a day for 4 days while she had the disease. I couldn't believe I was denied vacation time to take care of my child. My husband was denied as well. I will never forget that day...it reminded me of what was truly important to me...my daughter...not my career. Guess what...she didn't get it afterall...but I left the Air Force and didn't even join the Guard, had she got Chicken Pox I may have gone AWOL. What's sad is, I was educated enough to become an officer, trained so well that I was regarded as being one of the best in my career field, I even had an opportunity to interview for a job at the White House. I could've gone far, but I'm glad I didn't, I'm glad I can stay home with my children. When you are dual military it's not easy...sometimes someone else has to raise your children while your both unable to do so. It's all about priorities and my children come first and I'm so glad I do not have someone dictating when I can care for my sick child.

My husband and I are both E6s in the Air Force. He's been in for over 13 yrs and I've been in for over 12. We've been married for 6 years, have two beautiful children and two awesome careers! While neither of us would trade our time in for anything we've had our share of difficult times. There have been deployments where both of us had to leave at the same time (one of the hardest times for me as a mother) and TDYs where he had to become Mr Mom to a four-month old for six weeks. There where exercises when neither of us could make it home before our kids went to sleep and days when we drew straws as to who would stay home with a sick child. We find ourselves both supportive of and a little competitive with each other but in a very complimentary way. The best part? Mutual understanding. I have someone I can complain to about mid-shifts who won't tell me, "Just make them switch you to days". I have someone who understands how hard I work for my accomplishments on the job and off. I have someone who knows how beautiful a 2-yr old's long distance phone call is even if all I hear is her breathing. I have someone who can check my uniform and physical appearance. I have someone who understands why all my friends are guys. I have someone who gets teary-eyed with me when we hear taps or see a POW/MIA ceremony. Dual military isn't for everyone and there are those who tell us over and over that it shouldn't be for anyone (a good wife should stay home) but it

My husband and I, both active duty Air Force, were married almost 8 months ago while stationed here in Germany. (By the way, our wedding and honeymoon were FANTASTIC!!) Anyway, I have to say that being married to another military member can be challenging. For instance, he and I are on different schedules right now. When I come home from work, he's just waking up, getting ready to leave. We rarely get to hang out together (one of my favorite pastimes!) in fact, we see each other maybe an hour or two a day. Fortunately, for us, this will only last a couple more months, then all should be back to normal. Also, for the past 2 and 1/2 years that we've been together (dating + married) we've had to deal with my very frequent TDYs; being separated geographically is not easy for anybody, for any amount of time. Anyway, let it suffice to say, my

My husband and I met when I was in basic training. It took him over a year for me to marry him, but I'm glad he did. We were in the USAF for 9 years. We were fortunate enough to have been stationed together, except for his remote to Korea. I won't lie, being a two military family is hard, but its well worth it. I was in personnel and my husband was a COP. He worked nights and I worked days. Most of the time I'd pass him on his way home when I was taking our daughters to daycare on my way to work. More time than not he was TDY, while I worked 12 to 15 hour days. Someone said you have to have a little super mom in you. That's the truest statement there is, except you have to be a super couple, with alot of understanding and communication. I was fortunate enough to have a man that would clean house, do laundry, and cook if needed, (That is when he was at home). During our time in the military it was not always free flowing and easy. There were tough times, but we saw them through. We have now been married for 14 years. Though we have been out of the active military for six years, I will never regret the time we spent on active duty. It made my children stronger, more responsible, and much more tolerant of any situation that comes their way. If anyone ever asked me is the military the way to go, or should they marry a fellow military person, I would say go for it in a minute. I commend all those military couples out there for all they do on a daily basis, keep up the good work at home and at work. Your hard work is very much appreciated.

My husband and I are both E-4's in the USAF. We have a 2 year old daughter and are always being discriminated against because of our dual status. We have spent about a year total apart in our three years marriage due to TDY's and Deployments. They have strengthen our relationship tremendously. I am so sick of hearing people, at our base, specifically, complain about being away from their civilian spouse for more than 3 days at a time. The military is exactly that, the military. We are not here to be "babysat" or catered too because of our father's status in the military or because we haven't seen our mom and dad in 6 months. I work with a bunch of babies who are always passing on crappy duties to me because my "husband is military and will understand". So, to all those military spouses out there who keep whining about their spouses duties...this is a 24-7 job. Who said life was fair, and if you miss "mommy" and "daddy" that much, what's stopping you from going home? We ALL took that oath to SUPPORT and DEFEND, and that's what me and my husband are doing, without complaint. Unless you were unconscious at time of enlistment, then you should understand what the USAF, and military in general, is all about. If you don't like it, then get out or seek professional help. The military pays people to listen. I don't get paid to listen to whining, I get paid to do a job and to do it right. My whole goal in life, while on active duty, is get planes off the ground safely. My home life should not interfere with that mission. Just as the mission should not interfere with my darling daughter and home life. This is the military. And if that is not understood, then get out. The US military doesn't have time to cater to whiny individuals.

Hi, I am on my second marriage of dual Air Force military couples. My first marriage lasted 6 1/2 years to a military person who decided to get out and pursue his education and career. I came into the military with the idea I would stay in for 20 and he was aware of this. He followed me to Germany (he picked the base) and started school and finally got a job on base. He found it difficult to adjust to being known as my social security number and in 14 months he went back to his home to pursue his dreams and I had three years left in Germany. We finally divorced and two years later I married another military person. We've been married ten years and we've pulled our remotes concurrently, his in Korea and mine in Alaska. The separations are the hardest part, I've been TDY several times and now it's his turn. It's been a good life but it's had it's difficulties too. We've seen so much of the world that we would never have had the opportunity to see. I am enrolled in a masters program now and I came in with a GED. I could never have gotten my education on my own, I could never afford it. You have to be a strong person and willing to take orders but I would recommend it to anyone!!

My husband and I are dual Air Force members. We experience a lot of separation in our career field. This past 9 months have been apart more than together. We firmly believe that we must both do our part. I just returned from a 4 months deployment in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. A month after my return my husband went to the NCO Academy for 6 weeks. He was home for a week and a half and then it was my turn for the Academy. After being together for two months he will deploy to Yugoslavia. It is difficult to balance our travel with three children but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Our children are more responsible and a lot more independent than most of their peers because of out lifestyle. They must pitch in to make it all work. The Lord has blessed us and I am grateful. If I start to get down and feel it isn't worth it I just remember there is always someone who has it worse.

My husband and I were in the AF together for a short time. It was a wonderful thing being a dual-military marriage. However, when it came time for our child to be born, we both decided it would be better for me to get out and stay home with our daughter. It's a hard thing to let your husband leave on many TDY's, just imagine how difficult it is for our little girl. The least we could do for her is to have one of her parents home for her all the time. I sometimes regret getting out of the military, but I just have to put my family first, and reflect on the wonderful times the military gave me. I will forever value the sense of self worth and self discipline the Air Force gave me. It was a wonderful experience I would recommend to anyone. Besides, one of the perks is being able to have your spouse so close to you, they are always ready for a lunch date!

My husband raised hell and calls were made to Perscom. For the next few days our orders kept changing. At one point we were told that if I did not extend my contract, my husband would be sent OCONUS while I remained CONUS, and furthermore that I would be barred from reenlistment. My husband told them that I would not extend and that it would be "a shame" that I couldn't reenlist, basically calling their bluff. Thank goodness it worked and we will now be stationed together CONUS.

But like I said, I'm quite disappointed in MACP. Someone clearly wasn't doing their job. There are four soldiers (with grad dates after me) here at my AIT (all with the same MOS/language and two with the same rank as me) who had soft orders to go where my husband was initially going, but still our joint domicile request was initially denied. It ought to have been to do a simple switch.

I'd also like to point out that I'm not the only one who's been received pressure to extend. Another soldier at my AIT who has also been in training for almost two years, with two years left on his contract, was told he had to extend his contract so that he could be sent OCONUS. He refused to extend, and was threatened with being separated as soon as he finished AIT. How crazy is that? He saw through it of course - why on earth would the army spend two years training him just to kick him out, when they could easily station him CONUS?

I don't know if everyone has as much trouble with MACP. I'm thinking, probably not. In any case I know that even though my husband and I will be stationed together, deployments and TDYs will keep us apart often. I'm not looking foward to that I can't wait for my enlistment to be up. When I signed up I had little idea what I was getting into. Now after completing almost half of my enlistment, I'm starting to understand how much commitment to serving, how much dedication and sacrifice it takes, and that I'm not willing to give up so much.

When we first met, it was in a recruiting office. He was a new E-6 recruiter and I was an E-5 reservist helping out there during my free time. The military has given both of us a greater appreciation for down time. It also gives each of us many opportunities that we wouldn't have had otherwise. He also has two children from his previous marriage. Being a military family does actually have many advantages. It is a lifestyle that isn't for everybody. Since he is one of the honest recruiters that goes the extra mile for his applicants, he spends a lot of hours away from home. I also am not home a lot due to my full time nursing job. I spend my days off helping out at the office doing whatever needs to be done. Whether it is speaking to an applicant or updating paperwork....the time I spend there helping is almost invigorating!! Everyday I am thankful for our careers.....If it wasn't for us being married to the Army, we would never be married to each other.

My husband and I have been married about 18 months. We have, however, been in the same place for about 6 of those months! (between the rotations to Bosnia and Kuwait, that's what we've ended up with.) It's hard being separated, but at the same time, we have had a terrific marriage, know each other so much more than we might otherwise as letters and the phone take the place of seeing each other...We finally received our joint domicile approval from branch (we are both signal) and have set up housekeeping...

My husband and I just recently married. We are both in the Army. I am an E-5 and he is a E-6. I am currently stationed in Germany and he is in Hawaii, getting ready to PCS to Presidio in November. It is hard being separated by half of the world. It also is looking like we may not be stationed together when I leave Germany in March 2000. The closest they tell me is Ft. Irwin, which is 3+ hours away. This separation is hard but he and I are doing what we can to make the best of it. Thank God for email and DSN phone lines. Hopefully all will work out.

My husband and I are both retired Army officers. We each reached the grade of Lieutenant Colonel. We have two children, ages 16 and 14, who were born in Germany while we were on active duty. My husband and I just celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary. We had five major separations during our military careers:

1. My husband and I were separated for 9 months while I went to flight school in Alabama to become a helicopter pilot and he was in Maryland.

2. My husband kept our 2-year-old son and 3-month-old daughter in Virginia while I attended the Army's 6-month advanced course in Alabama.

3. My husband kept our then 3-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son in Virginia while I attended the Defense Language Institute in California for 8 months.

4. I kept our then 6-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son in Germany when my husband went to Desert Shield/Storm from Nov 90 to May 91.

5. Our last major separation was for almost a year. My 9-year-old son lived with my husband in Virginia and my 7-year-old daughter lived with me in Kansas. We got back together as a family in 1992, after about 18 months of separation.

In all those separations, we have spent lots of money on phone bills and plane tickets. With respect to our children, whenever I was gone, I talked to them everyday, even when they couldn't talk back. I read bedtime stories and sang bedtime songs on cassette tapes for them, which my husband played for them every night. I sent my children something in the mail every day--whether a piece of gum, a balloon, a sticker, etc. Every day I sent them a small note or a postcard. I've kept scrapbooks for them of these times we spent apart. We always tried to get back together every 4 weeks or so. It was harder between California and Virginia than at other times.

Our children are independent, bright, motivated, have seen the world, lived in Germany (went to German schools and German day care, lived in German neighborhoods, and spoke German), are tolerant, and capable. My husband and I are happily married and only regret that, these days, with teenagers and their activities, we have less time to spend together alone than we used to.

It was not easy being a dual-service couple. My husband was the most egalitarian husband I know. No job was too womanly for him to do. He did everything. The responsibilities were jointly ours. We each could appreciate the other's career. We understood about alerts and company command and not knowing the next assignment and being staff duty officer and having Christmas dinner in the mess hall and getting stopped on the way home by the battalion commander to check the motor pool one more time. It was exciting to be able to share every detail of one's career with one's spouse, because we each knew the atmosphere the other worked in. We knew the worries and concerns and stresses. My husband also had to deal with having a wife that was a helicopter pilot. He handled that very well, too. He was extremely proud of it, and would mention it to new acquaintances within 5 minutes of meeting them. He also liked the extra money.

In those years (1979 to 1994), the military worked well with us, but we did find that many military members with traditional spouses were exceedingly jealous of what they perceived as our "unfair" income. This was probably the hardest thing to deal with after our long and short separations, long hours, child care, etc.

But we're glad we did it and stayed in to retire. We have many golden years ahead. The military is a hard, hard life but the rewards are many, both during active service and in retirement. Best of luck to those of you still undergoing your active duty!

Hi, my husband and I love our life and career in the military. I am a E-4 about to make E-5. My husband is an Army Cpt/0-3. We have many challenges being a married couple, but nothing together we can't overcome. Last summer I attended PLDC in Hawaii and he remained at homestation commanding his company. It was rough but we both made it through. This is a very rewarding life and career and I strongly encourage military service and dual-military marriages, they really do work. Well I thought I'd share a moment of my time to share my thoughts and feelings on the subject. Thanks.

My husband and I met while we were both cadets at the USCGA. Our first assignments put us on separate cutters with alternating schedules. The cutters were stationed a little over 100 miles apart, so for the first two years of our marriage we saw very little of each other. We maintained an apartment at a town half way between our stations, but since we rarely saw each other, it just meant long commutes & high gas bills. Our second assignments put us about 150 miles apart. Again, we endured 1.5 hour commutes to our respective duty assignments. Our subsequent assignments never put us any closer together than 100 miles.

In addition to the long commutes, each new assignment meant that we had to choose between "career development" and "co-location". Every detailer we spoke to told us that we would have to sacrifice career development if we insisted on being assigned to the same area. One career would have to "suffer" just so we could be 100 miles apart! We were never assigned to the same town and our "dream sheets" were just a joke to the detailers. Basically, they would tell us..."We've got this job here and this job there. Job B is a real career killer...but, if you want to stay together...well, one of you will have to take it."

I joined the Coast Guard with a BS degree in Education and chose to go enlisted. I believe everything happens for a reason and soon after I met my husband who is also Active duty Coast Guard. I met him 10yrs ago at my first unit. We were close friends and stayed in touch even after transfer and got married 5yrs ago. The Coast Guard has been good to both of us and we are both willing to give the Coast Guard back all it has given us. The Coast Guard has allowed us to be stationed together from New York to Hawaii and now in Miami. We both know that the needs of the Coast Guard come first and there is always the possibility of being seperated but we have been very blessed. I think as long as people are flexable in location and make the most of where ever they get sent, things will work out.

My husband got a head start on me and retires in 2yrs. I still have 10yrs to go and he is very supportive of me staying in. We both have the ultimate dream of buying an RV at retirement and seeing the country

Hello, my husband and myself are both in the Coast Guard, and both Quartermasters 2nd class. We meet at A school 6 years ago and have been married 5. We have a wonderful 5 month old girl. We have been stationed together and apart from Hawaii to Virginia. But for at least a short time we are together in Virginia. He's afloat on a 82ft cutter and I'm now teaching A school. Times have been tough, especially being the same rate, which makes it harder to co-locate us but the Coast Guard has helped us and the Detailler does everything he can. But we also remember it's also the needs of the service. To anyone thinking about marrying another service-member, think hard, you're love must be strong, both to the family and the service. Thank you.

Hi! My husband and I met while stationed together in Miami, FL. We were both aircrew and dated for a year before marrying. The Coast Guard has been very supportive and always worked with us in our careers and duty stations to keep us together. Two years ago, I went to OCS and my husband stayed enlisted to achieve his goal of Chief Petty Officer. We've been married for eight years and even though we have experienced some separation while I was on a ship, life together in the service has been great. With both of us being active duty, we each understand the demands of a military career and find it easier to communicate with each other.

I am a Staff Sergeant and my husband is a Sergeant. We have 2 gorgeous kids but it has been rough on me since we have decided to have kids. I wonder how most dual couples with kids do it. Most stories here seem to good to be true. I constantly have to say "No, I can't....sorry... can you do me a favor?...etc." because the base daycare (which is wonderful by the way) doesn't open until 0630 and closes at 1800. And they are charging us 200.00 a week for our 2 children. 800.00 a month! At least 3 days a week, my company has to be in at 0515 for PT or some other function. I suppose that since I'm of a higher rank than my husband, it is a little easier for me to "get out of something", but with him being a Sergeant of Marines (toughest rank in the Corps) I want him to excel so I seem to take on many burdens. It find it disheartening to see so many Marines put their career ahead of their family. And I have actually been insulted for not doing the same, yet I persevere and will not change. As far as I know, the Marines do make headway in the fact that they do a very good job of keeping duel military couples together. I have almost 10 years in and I hate to see all that hard work go to waste if I get out, on the other hand I wonder if certain sacrifices are worth it in the long run.

My husband and I stepped on the yellow footprints at Paris Island on the same dark night. Only we would not find each other until four years later. On May 17th we will celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary, everyday with him is cherished, because you never know when either one of you will be leaving and for how long. It takes two special people to make a duel military marriage work. The husband must be especially strong, understanding, and trusting, simply because of the work environment his wife has to work in and the wife needs to have a little "Super women" running through her veins. Our first two years of marriage, we were not stationed together, but since that time our monitors have kept us at least stationed on the same base. We have four children and we have been blessed with a wonderful childcare provider, that makes a world of difference. Your relationship must be based on support and the understand that neither's career is anymore important than the other's. Your goals must be established early on and you need each other to obtain them. My husband is an LDO Capt and I am a Gunnery Sergeant in the Marine Corps, do you think we don't get alot of questions. Communication is a must and mutual respect can never be in short change. We are each other's best friend, listening post, shoulder to cry on and "sanity check" when requested or needed. Our marriage has had it's rocky points, don't get me wrong. All our friends think we have the perfect marriage, they think we NEVER fight, and that's good for them to think. All our disagreements are kept in the privacy of our bedroom and worked out without anybody knowing (to include our children). Children of duel military families are the ones who have it the hardest, I do believe. They say a "normal" child needs a stable home, so that means we probably have the most "un-normal" children in America. Actually, I feel that military children are probably the most "balanced". They are exposed to more than any "normal" child in America, and yet they seem to survive with all the adversity surrounding them. Here's to the duel military families!

now an AE1. We were both going through bitter and hurtful divorces at the time. We became very good friends and then started dating. We lived together and had our ups and downs for 2 years before he decided he wanted to get married. I was away in school when he asked me. When we finally transferred as a married couple, he left for cruise 10 days later. When he returned home...it was difficult to adjust, but we managed. His squadron did a quick turn around and started work ups approximately 2 months later. Out of a 365 day period...he was home for 55 days and

gone the rest including another 6 month cruise. When he took orders to come to shore duty it was time for me to go to sea. I took orders to San Clemente Island in order to at least stay closer to home. But it really didn't make much of a difference. We still had our problems and we were still not together. Of the 8 Years that we were together...we were never really together. We tried to hold on to the love that we had once had, but we were both unhappy with the whole

I am 20 years old and an E-4 in the Navy stationed in Pearl Harbor HI at the Naval Shipyard. My soon to be hubby was stationed on the last Los Angeles class Fast Attack submarine~USS CHEYENNE, but is now currently under instruction at the Naval Hospital Corps School in Great Mistakes Illinois! He has been in for 3 years coming this December and myself 2 years this November. We are getting married the fall of 2001, hopefully around October. I do realize that being on an island and having the possibility of him being stationed at the Marine Corps base which is about 45 minutes away, will be difficult because of all the traffic on this "tropical" island (yeah right, go to LA and get the same effect!). The major opportunity that I am looking forward to is competing with each other for our degrees. He will be going for his Masters and I will be going for my Bachelors (I have a head start being on shore duty and all, and him on a sub) We are not going to have any children until our education and service is over with, we have steady jobs and our careers have solidity and we can provide for ourselves and our home. We decide this because of the life the Navy has shown us so far. Separation, inconvenience, frustration and grief for expressing these feelings. A 24 hour duty day, a page in the wee hours of the morning from someone who "Just doesn't understand what to do where to go", a phone call from the police station to pick up someone caught for DUI, a phone call from a crew member in the middle of the night who just hit his wife......these are things that happen daily, weekly, monthly, nightly and we take care of them no matter what we are doing or how we are feeling. These are just some of the aspects of our jobs off duty and on duty. We both get our share of them and some. It's almost like our hobby is our relationship that we just don't get enough of, but we will stick it out and overcome this Navy life

I was reading the stories about being married in the military and I didn't quite agree with the stories you had. You need to have stories that are more real life. I am 21 and have been married to a sailor for four years. In that 4 yr.. he has been in the navy for 3. It is not easy when you have a three yr.. old and expecting another one on the way. Especially when the baby is born your husband is going to be "out to sea" doing things that has no point at all for the US government. While in the mean time you have no family with in 700 miles and you have to figure out who is going to take you to the hospital when you are in labor or never the less watch your child. Yes as they all say speak with the command, but as for my command they say sorry ma'am but you didn't come in your husbands sea bag. And the help they do offer you is from the commanders wife and if you haven't went to the bars or gossip with her over tea then you do not exacts. This is just a small problem that I think should be shown to others. This is just one little slice of the big cake of the "military wife".

I am the Navy wife half of this combination. My husband is a LTC and I am a LCDR waiting patiently for the results of the 0-5 board. We have been married for almost 12 years and in that time we have been stationed in the same place and shared a household about 4 years. The detailers try very hard to put us in close proximity to each other but normally that means 3-4 hours apart. We began our marriage with him leaving for FT Leavenworth (to attend school) 6 days after the wedding. He will be leaving soon for Korea for a year unaccompanied and I will remain in Newport RI at least until March 2000. Communication is the key - so AT&T has gotten richer from our phone calls (normally every day when separated except when he was deployed to the Gulf and to Bosnia). We don't have any children at home so that does lessen the burden but separated is separated. It is tough but he is a very special person and we have worked hard to trust and understand each other over the years. It hasn't been easy but it has been worth it.

My husband and I have been married for 1 year and 5 months. We met in "A" school. We are both E-3's in the USN. We are both stationed in Naples, It. It has been hard being dual military. We have been separated many times sience we have been together, but nothing together we can't overcome. Being dual military is a lot of hard work, but anyone can make it work. If you just believe and never give up. Good luck to all!!

I met my husband, Charlie, while stationed in VRC-50 in the Philippines. We married in 1979 and had duty together twice in VRC-30 San Diego. Once 1979-1982 and again 1986-1990. We retired in Jan of 93 . Some of our career we were separated by oceans and some by opposite work shifts. Once we had to use a log book to leave messages to each other. These times are not the ones I dwell upon when my service comes to mind. I usually remember living out of a seabag on detachment in Japan, Korea and Guam. Or getting that 3am phone call to be on the early launch crew of a C-2A to the boat. It was an exciting life and a wonderful career.

I am about to make E-7 and my second husband is an E-6. My first husband did not share in household duties and I had to find a sitter if I had duty. We were married for 9 years which included a 3 1/2 year tour in Japan. After my divorce I remarried a wonderful man who does share all aspects of house duties. I have a 15 yr old son and a 13 yr old daughter from my first marriage. In the five years we have been married he has done a tour in Diego Garcia (1yr) and a work up cycle and deployment (6 months) and another work up cycle on board the USS Constellation. Last year I deployed aboard the USS Constellation in a squadron, My husband kept my daughter while my son chose to live with his father. My husband and I both have the same rating, he is currently on shore duty but is required to travel so we always have to look a couple of months out to make sure someone will be home with the kids. They think that they can take care of themselves you know the "I'm 15/13 and think I am 20." We always joke and say we play tag with the checkbook. I takes alot of communication - thank god for email. My children have become very independent and understand duty and what the Navy requires of us and when we get time, we spend it together.

Being dual military definitely has its challenges. I am a First Class Radioman and my husband is a Senior Chief Electronics Technician. We are currently stationed in Japan. We have been married for 10 wonderful years, and have suffered and flourished through deployments, PCS moves and TAD periods. We have 2 wonderful children who have learned to adapt no matter where the Navy takes us. We have been stationed in Spain, Italy, Brunswick Me, and Japan. If we had it all to do over again, we probably wouldn't change a thing! It's great to find a web site for us and others like us.

My husband and I are both retired Navy. He retired as a ABHC in 93 and I retired as a LT (LDO) in 96. We met and married while stationed in Sigonella, Sicily in '78 and were fortunate enough to be stationed together over the next 18 years. We have three wonderful teenage boys (13, 15, 17) and loved every moment of our military life (well almost every moment). It was very difficult trying to get stationed together and was even more difficult to raise a family and be successful in the military. We managed to do it though and have no regrets. I managed to get stationed in my husbands homeport when he was on sea duty and vice versa. I finally got to go to sea when I was commissioned and we reversed roles as I went to sea for med deployments and he stayed home and was Mr. Mom. While being away from my family was very hard, I would not have traded that experience for all the money in the world. I learned what life was like at sea and my husband learned what life was like at home. We learned that life on the "other side" was not easy for us and discovered a whole new outlook on life. We have been married 20 years come August and can only hope that other married military couples out there have half a good a life as we have had. Good luck to all of you. Keep the faith and hang tough. Always Navy.

My husband is in the Coast Guard and hates every minute of it. He is still on his first tour. I, on the other hand, have been in 10 years in March and I am busting my butt to stay in. My husband thinks that just because his command is rotten and has no morale that all services are the same. We seem to have the same fight about the military every three months. I love the Navy, joined right out of high school and having to fight to stay in with weight and H.Y.T. I get so frustrated. He doesn't enjoy the service like I do. He had many jobs, big and small, before he joined so he has a different idea on the military. The good thing is when he gets out, I don't have to worry about trying to get stationed with him.

My husband and I serve in different branches of the military. He is a Cpl in the Marines and I am an AT3 in the Navy. We both have been in 4 years. We met shortly after boot camp, like so many other young duel military couples, but unlike the majority of those, we have made it almost 3 years (I know, it's not all that long, but long for some!). It has not been the easiest of paths we could have taken. I know there are times we were so frustrated because we could not live together. ( I was stationed in Norfolk, VA and he was in Cherry Point, NC) Somehow we survived the long time apart doing the weekend thing and are now stationed in the same state, happily living together. All I want to say to those of you who are in the situation where you cannot be with your spouse for an indeterminate amount of time, remember that sooner or later it will all work out. I think it made my husband and I stronger having to deal with being apart for the majority of our marriage. I am looking forward to the next 50-100 years with him! *Smile!* Take heart and don't lose hope. It is all worth it in the end. Good Luck to all of you!!

It was one thing being dual military, but being dual military in different branches of the service made for an interesting life. My husband was commissioned in the Air Force and I was commissioned in the Army. We were both warned of how difficult the first tour of duty is for a newly commissioned officer, and in order to stay together, we both had to be prepared to make tremendous sacrifices. We were lucky to be stationed relatively close to one another - I was stationed at Ft Bliss, Texas and my husband was stationed at Holloman AFB in New Mexico. The 45 mile midpoint between the two bases was White Sands Missile Range which was where we called home. My husband, being an Air Force Security Police, had rotating shifts and there were many days that we would miss each other completely. I was a Platoon Leader and worked easily 12-15 hour days, not to mention the countless field exercises and TDYs. We both had to work like hell to reprioritize and ensure that we could fit a marriage in somewhere. We would have to schedule dates and do lots of strategic planning to ensure that we could spend quality time together as husband and wife. It was very difficult to tune out the military because it was so pervasive our lives. Our troops seemed to know us better than our spouses! That was pretty sad!

The year I had my son, I was up for promotion and due for a PCS move. My branch manager told me that my only choices were Korea or Korea. My husband was also in the same boat and his PCS choices were not only Korea but Japan as well. My assignment would have meant that I would be on an isolated tour of duty, and my husband would be left to care for our son. That was completely unacceptable to both of us. We both opted to get out. We have both been out of Active Duty for almost 4 years now although we both are in the Reserves. We will never forget the valuable lessons that we learned from our jobs and from all of the people that we met. I think that is what we both miss most of all about Active Duty - all of the wonderful people that we met and worked with. I really wish it could have worked out for us but we both decided that we wanted us more than we wanted the military. I have friends that are dual military that have managed to make it work, but they are lucky in that both of them are in the same branch of the service. I wish them and all dual military couples good luck in their careers and in their marriages because if they can combine the two successfully, it's a great life.