Parents of Military Women

Mom, dad, this is your place to share your thoughts on your daughter being in the military.

And military women, here's your chance to let your parents know how you feel about being in the service.

My 19 year old daughter just graduated from Basic Training in the Air Force, Lackland AFB. She graduated a year ago from High School and had absolutely no direction. We begged her to "do something with her life", sign up for college courses, anything. Some days I would come home from work and she would just be getting out of bed!! I was really shocked when she told me she was enlisting in the Air Force. I was more surprised when she actually went through with it. But she did, and she made it through Basic Training. I went to her graduation last week and, as I was standing by the side of the road at 9 AM in nearly 100 degree weather waiting to watch this girl (who couldn't even find where to deposit her dirty clothes when she was home) run 2 miles I felt so amazed and proud! She is a different person now. She has respect for herself and people respect her. I am so proud of her.

First I would like to say that my husband and I are extremely patriotic people. Our eyes tear up when we see military personnel giving up so much for our freedoms. I salute all military branches. We believe that the military is good for some and bad for others. For anyone about to enter the military they must be secure in their decision. Our daughter wasn't. Carey entered the delayed entry program just after she turned 18 her senior year in high school. She was mixed up and confused about her life, had been messing around with drugs and had gotten into trouble, but not arrested by the local police. She had been in a seriously abusive relationship, but had manage to hide it well from us. We have always been a close family, and to watch Carey pull away was terrible. We manage to fight and argue with her enough to get her graduated from high school. Carey's self-esteem was at an all time low. Her Marine recruiter filled her head with glorious stories of travel and promotion, lots of money, and she would be able to attend college while she was in. Carey wanted to be a nurse. Her MOS had nothing to do with that field as the USMC doesn't offer that type of schooling. Carey had wavered back an forth about going active or reserves. But every time something bad happened at home or school she would change her mind. I think she changed her status 5 times in the 8 months before her departure date. We felt that the discipline and build up of self esteem would be good for her, and even though we didn't want her to go we stopped arguing with her and said "Good luck".

Well... she found out that everything she was promised was not going to happen. Carey is extremely miserable right now. She had been in 2 years now. She has not gotten any advancements, even though she works her butt off. The men on base are constantly harassing her, her CO has blamed her for encouraging any advancements, and even went so far as to tell her that if she would cut her hair short she would probably not get as many comments made. Carey is groped constantly, and once in formation was pinched by the man in line behind her, causing her to move out of formation. Needless to say any military person knows what that gets you. She was not given the opportunity to defend herself. She has been given every crap detail available and keeps her nose clean, but she is still verbally harassed and held up for example in front of her unit. She wants so badly to come home, but has been told that the GI bill is not available to her if she gets a discharge. She had tried to attend classes while on base, but was constantly having to miss classes because of duty details and transportation issues. She was told that her first priority was to the USMC and it wasn't their responsibility to get her to and from school. One sgt even told her that she must have been extremely stupid to fall hook line an sinker for the bull---- her recruiter fed her. We have found out that the recruiters say what they need to say to get their quota, and unless you force them to put it into the contract, it's not going to happen. Carey's self esteem is at an all time low right now, and we worry about her mental state a lot. Carey has to make it through two more years of hell before she can get out and begin her life. She realizes now that she is going to be four years behind her civilian peers when she begins her life outside the USMC. We as parents just wanted to send out a word of advice to parents of young girls contemplating the military. If you are not sure of yourself and what you want for the future, don't sign on yet. If you truly want the military life, then make sure it is right for you. Don't use the military to find yourself. Find yourself first, as a responsible adult, and second as a strong woman, before you give up four or more years to an establishment that is not kind to women. There are no good ways out of the USMC except by finishing your time. If your going only for the education package, then try the reserves first. At least you'll have an idea of what four years might be. And if you love it, then go active and be happy. We will be dealing with an emotionally broke, and confused young woman. We will love an support her and help her begin again. As parent we do have to let go, which is hard, but if you feel in your gut this is not the right thing for your daughter, don't stop talking to her, find websites that give her the real scope and make sure she is well informed before she signs those papers.

Posted: 24 APR 03: NOTICE TO PARENTS -- A former Army chaplain is compiling stories from parents of military personnel -- see the post in the Writers' Requests section in the website.

Not among those mental pictures was the image of my little darling on Delta level alert in Goose Creek, South Carolina brought about by the acts of terrorism committed in our country Tuesday morning. It was hardly three years ago when the heaviest thing that my then sophomore in high school daughter lifted were the pompons she waved at Blue Ridge High School football games, dancing around the sidelines in her yellow jacket mascot costume. A father would rather have that image in his mind than picture any of his children padding around a military base, M-16A2 in hand, preparing for a cowardly unknown enemy who gains great delight from murdering by surprise innocent civilians. They grow up so fast!

When Rachel raised her hand the enter the Navy's nuclear power program in May, the thought of war was a distant thought in my mind but a thought nonetheless. Our volatile world situation is such that, were there no need for military intervention, there would be no need for military service and no need for worry form a father for his daughter. But we live in a real world where a military is needed to protect our interests and the interests of all free societies. I am not alone in my worry among parents. Any parent of any child in the military is worried. It's natural. I told her that day she was my hero and she hasn't been far from my thoughts since the day she left. Today I moved her picture from my bulletin board to my keyboard so that she is in my physical eye as well as my mind's eye with every word I write. She is still my hero and will always be.

Greetings from a United States Marine! I am sorry to hear that your daughter is having a hard time. But let me tell you that everyone is going through the same thing. When I first arrived in Parris Island for my basic I was thrilled. Little did I know that the first two weeks were going to be the hardest for me. What the drill instructors wanted to do is to break you down and then build you back up the way they want you to be, for me they built me up to be a United States Marine. The first few weeks they were also weeding out the weak recruits. I think that boot camp is the same for all
branches of the military. They're not picking on your daughter, they're just trying to build a good soldier. Boot camp is definitely not exciting and uplifting. It is not easy. Remember your daughter is going to have to work for the title. They don't just let anyone join the Navy. Boot camp is the place where you earn the right to call yourself a Marine/ etc... It is not going to be easy in anyway at all, but in the end it all pays off. There are four thing that they can never deny you in boot camp

1. No less than four hours of sleep
2. They cannot deny you a head call
3. They cannot deny you chow
4. They cannot deny you medical attention

Your daughter everyone is going through the same thing, and that so many women have made it through before her. My boot camp lasted 12 weeks. The military is hard on women, so we have to push ourselves harder, in the end we are only made stronger. Tell you daughter that all the women from the fist Marine Corps Division are rooting for her.

Semper Fi

My daughter joined the Navy just last week. We gave her a going away party and everything; but ever since she has gotten to boot camp things have not gone right for her. The officers and/or drill sergeants are mean, cruel, degrading and very verbal in their abuse. No wonder my daughter wants to come home. She joined with the full intent to not only serve her country but to also better herself as well as her future. She left business college to join the United States Navy, and at this point I am so mad at the cruel treatment that my child is going through. This is supposed to be exciting, challenging and uplifting, but instead it is frightened, she has an injury to her leg that they will not give her the proper medical treatment for among other things that I cannot go into detail about. What is the purpose of this treatment? My husband and I were happy for her and still are very proud of her, but there needs to be some kind of discipline and semblance of respect at these bootcamps. They are supposed to be training you to serve your country, but instead they are downgrading you and making you feel that you have no self-esteem. I have always taught my daughter to have self-respect and integrity and to always show pride in your efforts and in no matter what you do. This bootcamp has her upset and very homesick (which I know they will be) but it is pissing me off and if she doesn't get the proper care for her knee, and given the chance to prove herself without all the humiliation and bull and also the chance that she deserves to serve her country and become a very independent person there will be a new meaning to the word ARMED FORCES> I am a very strong person and I believe in respecting the next person, but I do not believe in making a person feel low, calling them out of their names and luring them into a situation under lies, deceit and false pretenses is not right. The Government needs to check themselves. This is coming from a long time paying tax payer, concerned citizen and last but not least ( MAINLY FIRST OF ALL) A WORRIED AND CONCERNED PARENT. I DID NOT SEND MY CHILD TO THIS PLACE TO BE HUMILIATED AND TO NOT GET THE PROPER CARE THAT SHE DESERVES. remember SHE VOLUNTEERED TO JOIN AND SHOULD HAVE THE FAIR CHANCE TO BE TREATED WITH SOME RESPECT. SIGNED AN ANGRY MOTHER THAT LOVES HER DAUGHTER. Cnursecal@aol.com

PS> ANYONE CAN RESPOND TO MY LETTER (ONLY SERIOUS REPLY)

I am a Private First Class in the Army. I was the first person in my family to willingly join the Military. Both my Grandfather and Father were drafted into the Army. Due to all the bad memories that my Father has about the Army, I didn't think that he would be thrilled about my decision to join. I went to both my Mother and Father and told them my plans. While they were both very sad to see my leave, they were also very proud and supportive. It was my first time away from home, so it was very difficult for me. The most difficult thing I have ever gone through. I have a twin sister and we have always been side by side so moving on without her was very hard on the both of us. I not only left my close family behind, but my fiancee also. He waited for me to graduate from Basic Training and was there when I graduated from AIT. Only two months after I got to my duty station here at Fort Bragg, my Fiancee joined me. We were married shortly after and now everything seems to be falling into place. If it wasn't for the support of my family, I would not have had the courage to continue on. I just want to tell all the parents out there who have daughters that are thinking about joining the Military, give them your support, they won't be able to make it without you!

I am the LUCKY DAD of a 19 year old 'gift from God' who is just starting Air Force boot camp in San Antonio, Texas. Stephanie is a very intelligent, hard working respectful person who will do her very best in the Air Force. At an early age, she was under doctors care to correct a hearing problem and she worked very hard over the years to lead as 'normal' a life as possible and went the 'extra mile' during academic times to earn her high school diploma, which she earned with honors. It's been a long and sometimes arduous journey for Stephanie, but she is a better person for it. As always, my prayers and thoughts are with her as she enters yet another phase of her wonderful journey through life. I must be the luckiest and most blessed 'Dad' around.

I am a proud mother of a former female Marine. My youngest daughter joined the Marines at the ripe age of 25. Ever since she was a young girl (a tomboy no less) she has always wanted to go in the service. After completing H.S. and attending college for 11/2 years she got married. She still felt the urge to enlist. Immediately following her divorce (after being married for 4 years), she gave up custody ( to me) of my beautiful granddaughter, who at the time was 5, and off to Parris Island she went. Unfortunatly, my daughter was medically discharged with a condition the Corps labeled "sling palsy", as of today,thank the lord, she has recovered. Although, she is 35 now. But if she had the opportunity to re-enlist, I wholeheartedly believe, that she would. She has done somewhat of a recruiters job as far as discussing enlistment with one of her neices (she went Navy, she wants to continue her focus on law), and one of her nephews (he's going Marines). I guess it's true what they say,that "ONCE A MARINE, ALWAYS A MARINE!!" (unfortunately she will never have the chance again.)

This is for Janet concerning her daughters thoughts of joining the military. Good for her. I say the armed forces is the best place for a young woman who hasn't made up her mind what and where she is going in the world. She has a world of opportunity open to her when she joins the military. My daughter joined the Marine Corps two years ago and it has been the best thing to ever happen for her. I say go for it - encourage her to talk to her local recruiter. She can learn a trade, get an education and see the world. Good Luck in whatever she decides!

I got a chuckle as I read "The day my life changed forever." (See section on "Women Who Served in War," 10 Sep 96: -- January 1991: The Day My Life Changed Forever.)

I remember, it was the first week of August, I had just turned 21 years of age. Being the straight lace that I was, it normally would not have been a big deal, but I was stationed on a ship, a Hospital Ship. We had 44 crew members whom became very nervous when Aug. 2nd rolled around and Iraq invaded Kuwait. We were told of the possibility that we would be activated. We all thought this ship, No way. We could not possibly be ready in time. So what did we do we partied for several days straight, for my birthday I was told. Then, one morning, I arrive still somewhat intoxicated, which like I said was very unusual. As I stood at Muster, we got the word of activation and no one could leave the ship. At this point I thinking, I am in trouble, my fiancé was in the gulf already, my roommate and I were both stuck on the ship and I had nothing, in the way of clothes and other personal items. Guess who gets called, my poor Mom in Ohio, she only had 2 hours notice. I called her and told her that she had to be at the airport in Cincinnati in 2 hours and the airport was 45 minutes from her house. So, she had very little time to get ready. Later that day, my mother arrived in Baltimore Maryland, a to a town she had never been to and she had to find my ship, pick up my car, go to my apartment, pack my clothes, talk to my landlord, drive back to the ship, drop off my stuff and go back to a lonely empty apartment. The next day, as my ship pulled out of the harbor, my mother was there, waving good bye to her very scared daughter. She did the motherly thing and went back to the apartment, and packed up all of my stuff and placed it in storage and clean up the place. She took care of all the little things I could not. She never complained and did what she could. I never thanked my mother for all that she did, because I was selfish, because I was this big Gulf War Vet. I spent 9 months there, I could do no wrong. Ya right. My mother changed my life forever that day, not the war. Thanks mom for everything. Love your Skitter Dottie

After a couple of years of not knowing what she wanted to do, I sat down with her and discussed the possibility of her joining the military. It took a couple of months of talking some more, but one day she asked me to help her talk to a recruiter. After doing so, it took a couple of more months before she finally said ok. She enlisted in the Navy (not that Mom had been in the Navy had anything to do with it). She went through Boot Camp, Hospital Corps School, and is now at Camp Lejeune getting ready for Field Medical training. When she went in, she was not so sure of herself. Now, I have the most confident, self-assured young woman for a daughter. My thanks to her recruiter, her POs at Boot, and the many fine new friends she has made since. A "Bravo Zulu" to them all. A very grateful Mom.

that all it took was seeing a female recruiter in uniform go visit her high school and she got to visit her for a while. She had just completed boot camp, and was going to ship out to Hawaii. My husband and I have supported her decision, especially when she said that we could not talk her out of it, which we gave her every option, as far as sending her back to school, helping her find a job and living at home, and even setting her up in her own apartment. She declined, and said that she has lived in our small town all her life, and has seen most of her friends have babies, get married, break up, and she doesn't want to get caught in that life right now. She wants a new challenge, and to see some new places. She said she doesn't want to hear of anyone elses experiences cause this one will be her own personal experience. We try to tell her things we hear for her to watch out for, and she just says she knows, and not to worry. She is so ready to go, which she ships out this Tuesday, Feb. 16th. We are so proud of her and see that she may have made a mature decision in her life, and she acts like she knows what she wants. She wants to get an assignment dealing with Meteorology, and has been fascinated by weather all her life. We know there is a shortage on the ships, and informed her that she may go to sea, cause she enlisted as a Seaman, and she is aware of it, and can't wait.

My daughter is a 1st Lt. in the army stationed at Ft. Lewis in Washington and her husband just made Sergeant today, and they have a beautiful baby boy named Tyler. I am very proud of these two young adults and their accomplishments. It's not an easy life and they have to be separated from time to time, but they are very determined and strong willed and they will do whatever it takes to make everything work because they have a deep love and a very strong belief that what they're doing is the right thing for them. I wasn't too keen on my daughter joining the army, nor getting married but I can honestly say that I have had a 180 degree change in attitude about both of those things, and I could not be prouder of either of them. I do wish I could see my beautiful grandson more often and hopefully they will get stationed a little closer to home next time, but if they don't we will deal with it. We can't make choices for our children, even as much as I would like to, but we can stand behind those choices and support them and that's what we need to do no matter how hard it is because a mother and father's love should be unconditional.

Hello, My name is Nicole, I am a Private First Class in the Army. I will be enlisted for two years starting Christmas Eve. From one soldier to all of the parents out there all concerned about there daughters joining a branch of the military, I would just like to let you know, it was probably the best decision I could have probably made. Before joining, I had been getting into all types of trouble with the police, and never wanting to do what people told me. After basic training, when I saw my mother, grandmother, and younger sister for the first time, in almost three months, I had never been so happy to see them again. Basic training really made me understand what family is all about, and how much you appreciate your parents when you're gone for so long, with barely any contact what so ever to the real world.

On a different note, I'm sure some parents out there are concerned about the sexual harassment in today's military. Yea, the media does magnify it, a little, but just as long as your daughter knows how to keep her morals high and somewhat knows how to get out of some sticky situations, she will be just fine.

So the only thing I can really say to the parents out there is to support your daughters all the way, and don't let them give up. I have never seen my parents and I get along so well, almost ten years.

My daughter is serving in the U. S. Navy. She has been in 22 months now. She is an E3 radioman (radiowoman). She is currently living in Norfolk. Va. Not long after boot camp she met "the man of her dreams". This was while they were both in school. Now a year and a half later, they are married and I now have my first granddaughter. The challenges for this young couple have only just begun. Not only are they both in the Navy and have a new baby; but, they are a mixed couple.

As a mom of a new Navy recruit in the nuclear tech field I am so glad to have found this web site. My daughter is an intelligent, bright and capable young woman with an incredible sense of humor. If you know of any great transition ideas please let me know! I am proud of her research and decision to join the Navy and want to support her all that I can (or should!!) thanks!!

Our daughter has proudly served in the army for almost 26 months now. Currently she is stationed at Fort Bragg in North Carolina. She works in an office on Pope Air Force base. She has also met a wonderful man assigned to the 82nd airborne. They are getting married on September 26th. We are very proud of both of them. We feel our daughter made a wise choice when she decided to enlist into the Army. Thank you. Proud parents from Kankakee, Illinois.

When our beautiful and talented daughter announced to her family that she had decided to join the AF instead of going to college, we were shocked! Our "Little Miss Popular Socialite" was very active in the pageantry scene and even being prepped for Miss NC/ Miss America. Her decision was indeed the talk of the pageantry community in North Carolina. People just couldn't believe she was really going to trade in her crowns and high heels for combat boots and fatigues. Many people thought she'd never make it out of boot camp. I, on the other hand felt that all the years of participating in pageantry would help her tackle any obstacle the AF could possibly send her way.

I'm glad to tell you that I was the one who was right! I have never been more puffed up with pride for her than when I went to her boot camp graduation. I just THOUGHT that her dad and I (along with the help of many fine pageantry folks) had done a pretty good job of raising her, but I was not ready to find the incredible, mature, responsible young woman I saw there at Lackland! To her TI, SSGT Tim Servati, I want to say "Thank-you" You finished the job we started with her, and we are grateful for the way you helped her finish growing up to became the wonderful woman she is today. She graduated with honors at boot camp, top of her class at tech school, has won several awards in her first year at Keesler, and even made BTZ! I always thought her experience in pageantry would help carry her through her life, but now I see how much her experience in the AF is really going to help her through all life's tough challenges.

Posted: 22 May 98: "Parent's Support -- A Letter to the Parents of Military Women"

I spent 4 years in the military stationed at Fort Carson CO. I am so proud of my achievements. I am such a different person, and I love who I became. I would never have my confidence without them and I would never have received my degree without their support.

But I would have never made it through without my mother. My mother has a 6-5 job and so very busy. But she still found the time to write me EVERY day for my 4 years. Everyday I knew when I got back to the barracks there would be a letter from mom. At times it was very hard to get through it. But the thing that got me through it was knowing the letter would be there. The letter talking about my family and friends and just thoughts she was having. Without my mother I would not be a honorable veteran right now.

I do not think she even realizes the strength her support gave me. As a vet I have to ask a special favor from you. I really do not care what you think of the military--support her. Support her and you will see such a difference in her. Do not make her think that if she goes in she loses her family. When you join the military your family becomes the people you live with and see everyday, but knowing that your real family is out there supporting you is great. My mother bought a "My Daughter Wears Combat Boots" t-shirt and wears it everywhere. They are so proud of me. And only now that I am out they say they did not think I could do it, that I would drop out. What they do not realize is they are the reason I didn't....without their love and support I would not have made it. The military effects the whole family, not just the one in it.

Please support them, you might be surprised to see that the support you gave just because you felt you needed to might turn into the support you give because of the pride you see in their eyes.

Our daughter spent 7 years on active duty with the US Navy. Along with all this she managed to find time to have 3 children and get to Desert Storm. Her husband has just recently retired. Her Mom and Dad, me, can't express the pride we have for her. I'm a veteran of US Navy and Vietnam. The ladies are doing a terrific job. Don't stop now. Anyone who can, should get to Arlington Cemetery in DC and see the Women's Memorial. I'm damn glad that I supported it. To our daughter especially, and all the ladies, "Hats Off."--- Bruce

Our daughter went to boot camp at Great Lakes last summer and finished her Hospital Corpsman School just before Christmas. Now she is going through training to be a field medic with the Marines at Camp Pendleton, CA, which was her first choice of duty. So far the service has been great for her. As a teenage she was the last one you would have picked to go into military service. She didn't want anyone telling her what to do or how to do it and look at her now! She went through a very rebellious stage and ended up almost dropping out of school. Thank heavens she got into a great alternative high school which helped her sort things out. She signed for the Navy right before graduation and had to wait a year to get into the training she wanted. She never has really looked back on her decision. We are quite proud of course and think that many more kids and parents should consider the service as a very valid option.

From the Parents of Military Women and To the Parents of Military Women

From the Parents of Military Women
and
To the Parents of Military Women